I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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