You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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