idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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