At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
