thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
