I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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