There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
