Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
