After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
