I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
