Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
