Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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