Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
