I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
