Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
