I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
