Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
