it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
