it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
