I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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