Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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