so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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