It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
