So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
