He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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