singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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