hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
