I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
