I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
