So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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