I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
