Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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