I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
