I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
