Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
