Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
