If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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