I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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