I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
