so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
