I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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