her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
