I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
