i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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