dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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