i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
