Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
