I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
