I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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