I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
