Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
