Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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