Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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