I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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