I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
