theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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