Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
