it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
