I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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