Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
