Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
