forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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