I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
