I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
