My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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