3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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