Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
