just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
