EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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