Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
